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come on joan.. have some confidence in yourself can? you've worked soo hard for the past term, it's time to shine! you must believe that you can do it.. it's all in the mind. if you step into a battlefield and are all sure that you will lose, the chances of you winning drops like 50%. don't hold such high expectations of yourself, go in relaxed and calm. take it like just a normal practice paper. all the more you can do better. trust me, that's what happened to me in promos. nope, i didn't get oustanding results. but at least i showed improvement and i'm proud to say i did relatively better than what i normally do.
tell yourself that you can manage 4 papers. even if you really can't, what's so bad about dropping one subject? it's easier to manage, you have more time to yourself. we only 3 papers to qualify for many courses. don't give yourself unnecessary stress and believe in yourself!
go joan koh! u can do it!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Am i suffering from depression? sigh. How I wish I am freed from all the awful thoughts. I am so worried over my Common tests, especially when I am on probation. Have I lost my ability of studying? MAybe I have become a useless person. I used to be able to cope relatively well but now, my work load seems to be filled to the brim. I find problems even breathing properly and I no longer find life interesting. What I feel is, my life has plummeted into a dark valley where I can only experience the darkness... Where is my sunlight, i am really searching for it. All the while, I feel as though i am groping my way through the darkness to find a way out, so that my life will be filled with bountiful of sunshine again. JC life is definitely not easy to endure. It may be fun-filled but at the same time, for ppl like me, it is really difficult to cope with even 4 subjects. I really miss my sec sch days. It was so carefree then, with not much stress overwhelming me. I know that I should be positive towards life but it's really hard for me to do so now. My body has faltered to such an extent that i really feel v. restless everyday. I feel that whatever energy i had has disappeared. I feel that I am avoiding the world. For now, I am just like a naked mole who hides away from the world, living in a world of darkness. yes, i do feel v. naked, as I think im void of feelings now. Where is my identity? Where is my soul? I really want to know the root of my problem. I suddenly feel that my future is bleak with no success. Yar, I alweez ask myself. What achievements have i attained? The answer is none. I try my best to be cheerful and smiley but i guess its now nth but a facade. Its a false front to hide my tears deep beneath me. I feel v. sad for myself. I told myself at the beginning of jC, that i will become a great person. But look at me now... what a joke.
I just hope to become a useful person who has the brain to at least do things right. But i seem to be alweez screwing up things. Teachers show me dissatisfaction, even when I have tried my best in everything i do. I really hope for a better life.
I feel so super guilty for always feeling sick too. I have been having backaches, headaches, migraine etc. The moment I start running, i feel the pain in my left foot and right knee. I really don't know what is going on. Is it normal? Sometimes i really wonder how come some people can do it. At least ppl whom I know are all at least good in some area. But me? I am just an empty nutshell.
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