_____im no longer behind u...*

Sunday, July 24, 2005

I made a bIg decisiOn yesterday when I brought up the EDB scholarshiP to my mom during breakfast. I have decided to go for the scholarshIp after A levels(if I do well) and I will moSt probably be heading towards Germany to study for a few years and after tat, a 5-year bond with EDB. I think its not a bad idea. I get to be on a scholarshiP that will not onlY prevent my mom's pocket from being buRnt a bIg hoLe buT also I get to stUDy the subjeCt that I am whoLLy passionate abOUt. I have loNg wanted to study in the mEdicine fiEld and wanted to be a docTor who wears whITe robes and having the stethoscope arnd the neck.. bUt upon deepest thouGhts.. I think its really a toUGh fight to get into that field, esp when there are many many talents and smarties out there... Will I ever get a place? NO.. i guess. AFter so many years of working towards my ambition tat seems so far-fetched, I think its tiMe for me to divert my attention to something that is far more practical. I don't think I will have the time to study so many years and if I really want to make it bIg as a doctor.. I need to have not only motivation but also the courage to face liFe. Why so? If I choose to become a doctor who works in a hospital where I will face the different aspects of life, it will be kind of interesting but at the same time, lamenting. Why so again? I am a really sensitive and sentimental person and being so, I don't think I can work in an environment where you see patients who suffer from chronic illnesses struggling to live everyday. that is so heartwrenching and pains the heart of all.

Im really glad that I did not give up on German, which is my third language. It has been a tough rouTe to struggle with, since I had to attend lessons twice a week for four straight years during seC liFe. Reaching home at 8 plus twice a week has been really tiring, not forgeting I had a CCA, Choir, to commit too. RushiNg from clementi to bIshan and rushIng home from bIshan to hOme was really exhaustive to the mind. Many a times, life got so hectic that I was really going to fall off the cliff. Remember there was once when I hid under my bed and cried... telling my moM that I din want to continue studying German anymoRe. ( tat was the beginning of sec two I tink) My choir practices and German lessons clashed and I din want to have a transfer to another class that meant separation of me from wei ting and eileen and my other frenz in sec 1 class. I was really feelIng vEry tired of all those 'gruelling' hours in school and yet after that, I have to go for lessons at bIShan. hA. still rem vaguely that there was only a day when i was free after sch in sec 2. bUt i Guess all these yrs of struggling with this language have been kind of worthwhiLe? Determination and perseverance really plAy a bIg role in everything I realise. So yeah.. at the end of the day... I hOpe i can really master German and hoPe i will be ablE to get the scholarshIp and go germany to study for my degree. It will be a painfuL decision to make since I will definitely miss home and my frenZ of coz. bUt.. i dont think Im left with many choices? hahaZ. just have to give up certain thiNgs for my goal in lIFe i guess.

Joan

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

11:07 AM

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1 Comments:

hmm. is this the time to make such a decision?

it's time to work hard and make it an aim to work towards to. it's not easy girl, it's not going to be easy. heh. we all know that. and you know what. i'm always behind you ok. (: just follow your dreams and be happy. don't be too stressed my dear. heh!

yepp. my exbio tutor (J3) is going germany to study something related to bio anyway. she's damn zai la. sometimes i wish i can be like her. out of point, nvm.

yep. so jia you ok!

By feL, at 11:33 PM