_____im no longer behind u...*

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Living in a world of lies

I think I am living in a world of facade. Why must I put on a false front, telling him that I have already gotten over him? Its inflicting pain into my heart and rubbing salt onto the wound but do I have another choice? Absolutely no! I can only play hide-and-seek with my own feelings. The day I lost him was the day when I lost my emotions too. From then on, I only know how to put up a false front in front of friends. Sometimes, I do feel really happy due to the heart-warming group of friends that I have but at times, I am just putting up a false front, telling people that I am perfectly fine. If you want me to forget about you and move on with life, I will tell you its hard with hurdles and obstacles. So far, I have only managed to overcome a meagre of the hurdles and obstacles that obstruct the path to forgetting you totally. O well, it seems that you have already gotten over me totally. Good for you but regretfully, I think it makes me think that I did not mean that much to you. Seriously, I need time to climb out of this crater of depression. Its ain't easy but I know I have got to try. However, its going to take ages...

Blame it on me being too sentimental or childish but I refuse to get over someone who meant so much to me so easily. I even thought that first love works out at some times... Jsut a wishful part of my thinking I guess. But I will still wish you all the best and care for you as a friend. Hope you accept it as it is. I won't habour any hope, coz hoping kills.

Having hope may be a good thing but when it dies, one seems to undergo another tremendous attack on the mind or soul or heart. Its really exhaustive to cling onto hope. No wonder people describe hope as a thin ray of light. I will describe it as a thin rope that is being thrown into a cave to save people. ONce the rope is ripped and thorn, everyone who is left in the cave will fall to his or her death. yEA.. I am one who is struggling with the thin rope. Will I be able to climb successfully out of the cave? I really don't know. Up to my will.

bTw, don't you think the society is slowly transforming into a society of fake reality? People are all using artificial means to improve their looks or using 'super duper magic potion' to make one looks younger. Not only that, more and more guys are becoming gays. hMMm. Upside down, topsy turvy. goSh~

Joan

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

8:01 PM

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1 Comments:

ahhh. joan joan. i dunnoe what to say..

no one expects you to get over him so quickly, really.. and sometimes you dont have to put up a strong front. not in front of us. not in front of your close friends. yeah, it's hard for us to be sensitive all times, it's not easy to avoid him whenever we see him, but... i think time would heal all wounds. keep yourself busy, that will keep him away from your thoughts..

-hugs- c'mon joan. you're a mon. a strong mon. [= don't worry too much!!!

By feL, at 6:37 PM