_____im no longer behind u...*

Friday, February 18, 2005

It has been a really long time ever since I decided to type a sentimental entry. So, i shall type it today.

Guess nobody's going to 'patronize' my blog without me telling them that I updated my blog but its just going to be for you to read if you are willing to read.

Time really flies. I am so strickened with guilt now, coz I made someone whom I love deeply very sad. I am really sorry for that, coz I felt that i have no other choice. It hurt me so much too. I want to stop myself from crying every night before I sleep but it seems to be the hardest thing to do. whY? Why have all these happened?? Why was I so impulsive and so insensitive? Why was I so blatant? WHY..??

nobody can understand how I am feeling now. I am almost near to devastation. tHis is a poem dedicated to that someone whom I hurt.

~ I miss you like how i miss seeing the stars every night~
~ Sometimes the stars are there but I ponder... where are you?~
~ Things are no longer the same anymore~
~ Both of us changed~
~ I wish we can return to the past~
~ When life was so great and tasty~
~ I wonder.. ~
~ I ponder..~
~ I reflect..~
~ What has happened..?~
~ I yearn to be loved more~
~ Thats what my heart wants~
~ Crude words werent meant to make you sad~
~ They were to let you know how i feel~
~ Im sorry..~
~ truly sorry..~
~ but i never regret knowing you~
~ and to love you...~
~ i really hope we can start afresh..~
~ and expunge all sorrows and obstacles....~

I want to be happy inside-out again! I want to feel revived! I want to feel the wave of happiness again.. perhaps its too much to be asked... Im just so sorry now... sorry...

Hope i can turn back time.... =(

Joan

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

7:57 PM

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4 Comments:

cheer up k?
dont tink too much..
:)

By Anonymous, at 12:59 AM

i always read your blog. i just don't tag. *hugs* don't worry, it'll all work out in the end.

By zx, at 8:48 AM

=X

joan, i know it's not gonna be easy for you to forget him. but don't think so much ok. i mean, you're so busy now, you'll soon be able to forget the pain and move on. you said you hurt him, but who's hurting more? he never thought of how you could have felt; he has already moved on.

you need to move on also my dear. pls do. pls go training. you'll feel happier. *hugs*

i don't know if i'm making you feel worst or better, but in any case, pls remember that i'm at least here to listen to you, or my shoulder is for you to cry on, ok? it's time we meet up. we can mug together. (: cheers! smile okay. i miss the fun-loving joan.

By feL, at 5:40 PM

joan!!!

see! i'm reading ur blog too!! u didn't read mine also wat..so it's like.. DUN THINK SO MUCH :D

hey. wat i really want to say is.
take care. work hard and concentrate on your studies. put ur mind somewhere else.ya.

dun be sad ;)

lastly..happy chinese new year!! stay as the cheerful joan i knew ya?
tc lots! ~yu lin

By scalamonz, at 11:00 PM