Tuesday, February 22, 2005
haiZ.. now in sCh.. just ate lunch having free period noW. sIGhz... Im still kinda sad. The biggest problem with me is... I find it hard to move on with life.. It is another big big change in my life.. and i guess it is gonna be hard to adapt this time.
I used to put my hP jsut beside me whenever Im doing my work.. coz i knOw i can expect some sweet msgs from somEone. buT now.. its no longer the case.. Even thouGh we are noW beST frenZ.. I just feel tat we are not as cloSe as the past.. hm.. seemed to have drifted more and more far apart........
sad man.. I cried b4 I slept again ytd niTe... but it was just a shoRt cry.. coz i was kinda tired oreDi... I din waNt to waste so much energy on crying.. if noT.. i may jsut die of fatigue..
hmmM. at times.. i thot to myself... wad will happen if we have held on tightly and never gave up.. crystal told me tat i should noT give up.. and i know i should heed her advice toO.. coz perhaps things can still be mended... issit possible?? I have not idea.. I wish that i will have some solutions.. if nOT... i'd rather I drink wAng4 qing2 shui3... it could have been better..
THe pain just cant get losT. insTEad, it seems to be going to be a prolonged one.. When will the pain end... i really want to know. iTs getting me sick and tired of liFE. I know i should not feel this wAY at all... but sorry... I m feeling this way..
It jsut takes one wrong step and everything will be gone with the wind. yuPs.. perhaps it is a relief for boTh of us.. buT somehow... i stil cant really enjoy the relief part.. haixxxxxxx.
din mean to make u peepX to be worried with me .. coz there is really no such a need.. I brought this to myself. It s call zi4 zuo4 zi4 shou4. haIZx. It definitely feels horrible and just simply horrible to be in a state like this... i thOT he will be there for me forever... buT.. things are not the same anymoRE.. siGH.. maybe...i shud really let things go when there is no other choices...
I feel so screwed up... Im clinging on to a thin ray of hoPe now.. and im scared that it wil give way soon... hmm. i hOpe i will find myself back.. Whenever Im in my own room.. i will suddenly feel very empty and lonely and saD. hmMm. somEtimes i wish i can slp forever... coz im so exhausted... and slping really can make all pain disappear..
hMM.. okie.. shal stop here. hey peePS.. who is free on thUrs? hm.. I feel like watCHing Constantine in Thurs evening.. hahaX. so many ppl have watChed... arghs... so sad... =(
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