_____im no longer behind u...*

Saturday, October 02, 2004

::yTd::
Ytd i just felt like killing myself with a knife, or even juMping down from a tall building. I feLt so much like a coward ytd, coz i cant face reality tat well. I cant believe tat i cried for two hoUrs plus... there was a 'free flow' of tears. I cant stop them from gushing them out of my eyes. My eyes were really tired and painful but i just couldn't stop crying. My heart literally shriveled and shattered into pieces upon knowing that i failed my piano practical grade 8 exam. The news came too sudden and came as a shock. I tot i will pass. This news pierced right through my heart that has already been torn apart so many times. Exam results and stuffs have really made me almost lost my heart. The passion I had for studies dwindled and I felt that I am now groping my way in pitch darkness. I cant see any direction and felt so lost. My hardwork.. has not been paid off.

this caused me to be half-hearted. maYbe I din put enough effort.. or maYbe i just did not concentrate well enough. i tried my best in anything i do but the end result seems to cover up all my efforts and hardwork. I 'slogged' for the best. I studied and revised earlier than many other people and yet my results does not show anything. ppl may be laughing out there, mocking at me, saying that i am hopeless, work so hard also cant produce good results. yeah.. but so wad? they are slackers. They are lucky in life. They are smart. but so wad? maybe I am dumb but i am sure i am hardworking.

pls.. the sinister creature by the name of 'Nervousness', pls get out of my life. I hate u! u caused me to screw up my papers. U are my enemy. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

::tOday::
to thOse ppl who really care boUt me:
thanz a lot for ur encouragements and motivations. i will keep on trying, indefinitely. Dun worry for me. I will not be killed so easily. I will stand up again and stun everyone with my O levels results. This prelim is jsut another fall for me. I MUST learn how to pick up myself and work harder and smarter. to thOse slackers out there, dun worry. I will beat all of u. Joan will definitely do well in Os. She will not be defeated again!

okie. Today juSt gonna finish up my packing and stuffs. den will go and do some a maths.

to Fel, thanz for being such a good fren. -hugs- i will zhen zuo qi lai. =)

to pig, thanz for being there for me too. I know u wanne share my sorrows and burdens with me. Thanz. I will not let u worry bOut me again. -HugS- =)

to my mommY, thanz for being there too and for being so understanding. I know i have let u down again and again. sOmetimes i wish i was smarter so that i can produce results that will make u proud of me. sorry.. i cant make u proud of me for prelims. But i will make u proud of me for o levels.

Joan

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

9:36 AM

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6 Comments:

thats it my jojo
hmmm...jiayou! im always here for u to call.

love, pigpig

By Anonymous, at 10:52 AM

heyhey.. dun sad dun sad la.. i bet no one'z mockin at u or wad.. cause we noe u are hardworkin n put in a lot of effort.. who will be so evil to do that.. aniwae.. this may be a blessing in disguise. this time nv do well.spur u to do betta.. den hey presto! ur o levels will pass with flying colours de.. me have faith in u.. ya.. nervousness is so irritating rite.. esp during examz.. u tend to forget evern single shit that u stuffed into ur brain the nite b4 or even weekz b4.. it lidat de.. so sae a lil prayer b4 u start.. take deep breathez. .juz tell urself.. hey.. this is juz a paper.. why should i be afraid of a paper?!..ha.. den can le. soudns stupid.but thatz wad i do.. lala.. all the best la.. cheer up, my fren

By =| mAriE |=, at 11:35 AM

u feeling better jiu hao...

By feL, at 1:31 PM

haiz.. joan ar... u scare me..
i know that the piano pract exam means a lot to u but we r humans and will always have to face difficulties and failures...
the joy of learning is not the end result but the journey itself.. the end result is only a bonus...
if u did well, u would be happy...
but if u did not, there's no need to be sadden by it, as long as u urself know that in ur heart u have the ability to do well, u dont have to be bothered by the exam result...
cos it's juz an indicator and indicator are not always accurate.. that's why u can see slackers doin so well while u didnt... the slackers did well b'cos they are exam smart, not truly smart...
JOAN WILL DEFINITELY DO WELL FOR O LEVELS!
dont worry! jia you!!
:)

By Anonymous, at 7:56 PM

failure is the mother of success. everything is just an obstacle. once u get pass them, everything'll be fine. and i am confident u can do it! afterall the joan i know never gives up. take care girl. -yayun

By Anonymous, at 8:04 PM

your mom loves you, so she will love you whether you do well or not. ^^ and so will we all! don worry about grade 8 prac. it's not easy to pass (obviously) 'coz it's grade EIGHT what...what matters is the hard work you put in. right now just focus on improving your results and your nerves can liao. last time i also nearly bombed out in my grade 5 prac. i messed up my best piece 'coz i nervous. good thing still borderline pass...anyway, jia you! we will all support you!

By zx, at 8:52 AM