name
jOan
school
nJc!
cca
toUch rUGgBy! im a toUCh rugger!
birthday
o2.o5.88
horoscope
tAurUs faV. peOple
mOm. nJ toUch ruggers. maRie.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004

yeApz. I worry too mUch at times. I think and think til thOSe morsal and stuffs almOSt engulfed me. I just cant stop thinking negatively. I am not cheerful enough to stop all thOse horribLe thOugHts frOm flooding my miNd. soMetimes i tiNk i am trouBlesome, coz i think too muCh. The result is thAt I will have blACk face and become very dull all of a sudden. Maybe its something like moOd swing but i thInk there's more to it.

I start to think that my dream of becoming a doCtor is very very far-fetched.I start to question my own abilities... whether i am good enough to become a dOc. yah. I am afraid of blood. BloODy scenes are the moSt obscene to me. I cant lay my eyes on bloody stuffs for more than a few seconds. I knOw i shun woRRy too muCh in liFe. liFe is shORt. it drifts pass really quickly and sudden.

I am not as calm as b4. I know i have changed. maybe worse or better. whO knoWs. me myself oso dun noe. Am i becoming lazy?! Am i becoming stupid?! damn it. I screw up so many things in my life. I hOpe i am a jungle gurl who knows nth about this worlD. I hOpe i would be isolated from everything. I hate to face this woRld. This world is UNFAIR! The poor alweez have to suffer.. while the rich alweez get to enjoy. Well.. the hardworking ppl alweez get nth.. while the slaCKers alweez get wad they want. I swear I will get an A1 for german in Os. Tats for sure. I am not goin to screw up anything again. I am not goin to let my life control me.

Strong may I seem to be... But actually I am not strong enuf to overcome obstacles. I am tired of trying at times. whO doSen wanT to haVe a satisfying life?! All i need is a life tat i can feel the satisfication and sweetness. i dun want it to be so full of bitterness. As niGht falls, I start to feel fear all over again. I cant stop my tears from gushing out of my eyes. I guess I am still not geared up to face anything big in life. well... i will continue to woRk hard. i will work hard til i fall dead.

Joan
aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu
1:43 PM
______________________________________________



9 Comments:

the world is not fair? it never is...
u reap wat u sow.. it seems unfair because wat u sow havent bear fruit, not that it never will..
if u hav the patience, u will one day get to enjoy the fruits of ur labour..
as long as u plant the right seed u will always get the fruit u want!
jia you.. reach for the stars!
be patient.. dont worry so much lah..
:)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:16 PM  


what's more far-fetched? me becoming a soccer player or you becoming a doc? mine lahz... cheer up ehz!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:20 PM  


wow you awed me. and I thought I am already one who thinks too much. Lolxz. dun think so much lahz, not that it helps to increase much brain folds anyway =X Look, as in really look, but tilt your head down slightly; 人无远虑,必有近忧. You look too far beyond and you tend to forget what's right infront of you. Take life one step at a time, there's so much we haven't seen so don't attempt to anticipate what you can't anticipate. Enjoy life for what it is now but just remember to stay focused!:)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:41 PM  


ah, the chinese words came out all wrong, if you can't read it, ignore =P

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:44 PM  


can read the chinese words. encoding: unicode.

*hugs* i also lidat what. i results not good also face black until like dunnoe what. cry if you must but one day you still have to stand up again...

everyone changes. all the time. the world is changing every minute, every second. it all depends on how we adapt to the change, or oppose the change. if you know there's a change and u don't like it, change the change! change yourself back to who you were last time. it's possible. i did it. one of my closest friend changed me till i couldn't even recognise myself. till i hated myself. but i realised it was her influence though she didnt mean it. and i changed myself back to who i am.

it's always this case. the poor suffers and the rich enjoys. like you've said - the hardworking doesnt get paid off but the slackers get it. but i still choose to believe that ultimately the person who suffers is still the one who doesn't work hard enough. the person may be luck from time to time, but can't be all the time. no one is perfect. when someone is good in a certain way, there's bound to be something about this person he/she isn't good in. it's compensation. you get the bad, but you also get the good.

u shd ask yourself, why do you want to become a doctor? to serve mankind? is it a childhood ambition or was it just meant to prove yourself? for the money? for the satisfaction? the dream may be far-fetched, but if you really make up your mind you will be able to cross all obstacles. it's all about determination and perseverance. if you want to be a doctor because you want to help others, i believe there are many other ways.

there's always a place where you belong. just follow your heart.

By Blogger feL, at 3:07 PM  


all i could did n wil do is to TRY to cheer u up.
still broading over those things u said to me this afternoon. forgive me for not being good enough. well... guess ill have to keep trying. u werent as weak as b4.. i dun noe y... change??? guess its bcuz of me. ~guilty~ soRRy.

love,PIg PIg

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:03 PM  


u have changed.. everyone changes.. but i definitely know u have not changedin a negative prospect lyke becoming lazier or stupider. i wanna be zookeeper.. ha.. ok.. go ahead n luff. but i m scared of insects ar, fierce animals ar n clearing shit..ha. i juz wanna be the person that brings lil kids for short rides on horses."The poor alweez have to suffer.. while the rich alweez get to enjoy".. sometimes in life, we see things differently. The poor nid not have to be rich in orde to be happi, they may be living in a happi n warm family while the rich dun. try lookin at the positive side of everything, den u will realise that nothingz that bad afterall. if something makes u frown, somethin muz be able to make u smile too( i also dunno wad i saying..ha.) whn god closes a door, he opens another one.i noe u are veri hardworking n such, but maebe u dun see it in ur results. lookin at the positive side, u had learnt more than wad otherz have, understood more than them, can apply it more to real life than them.so muz cheer up. i noe it maebe be realli devastating to noe that ur fren nxt to u who doesnt study getz higher gradez den u . Itz hard not to be sad or angry. i understand. juz try ur best okiez.:) aiyo.. n dun work till u fall dead.. dun work until so so so freakin hard.ha. all work n no play makes jack a dull boy..ha. study hard, play hard! obstacles are present in eveyone's life.some ppl get tired of it, some ppl overcome it. u had betta be the one who overcomes it ok..ya.. wanna sae.. leavin nh soon. so..wanna tell u (itz from a sms).. *life's like a novel, many chapters read and forgotten.But there is one i wun 4get. It the chapter when i met u n become FRENZ! *

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:53 PM  


ya.. 4got to rite my name.. but tink u can guess who wans to be a zookeeper rite? ya la.. itz me.. marie.. ha..

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:54 PM  


i think u shouldn't compare results so often... yes, sometimes slackers do get some luck and get better reslts, but tt doesn't mean tt u're stupid or didn't hard enuff.. instead of comparing the subj tt u've lost to the slacker, try comparing those u've beat the slacker, cos one such subj requires intelligence and hardwork, and tt's maths.. u're a v clever gal joan, believe in ur abilities cos many other pple do envy/are jealous of ur results as well... i truly understand ur feeling when some slacker getting higher grades than u, it's really v terrible.. but i've learnt to let go of this "feeling of injustice" or "jealousy" and accept wad i had achieved and work harder the next round =) jia you k..! btw.. the other day saw u at the mrt like not feeling so gd... hmm.. cheer up k... if possible, LAUGH!! HAHAHA!!! cos laughter is the medicine to all illness!!! ;) hmmm guess u should noe hu i m.. heh... c'ya!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:14 PM  


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