_____im no longer behind u...*

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Guess Zx is right.. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Thankz! I will woRk hard to reach out for that silver lining, even though I am mingling my way through an ominous dark cloud.

yah.. many a times, people do lose their directions in life. I have lost my way many times too. Sometimes, even though i know i am Joan, i don't know who i really am. Guess i am a sniffing little piglet who is really sensitive to things that happen around me. I wish i coud not feel, coz many things in life make me feel disheartening and down. Sadness always awashes me whenever I go back to my grandma's house. Sorry peePz. Know i have been regurgitating about my grandparents but i just can't stop myself from thinking of them. Maybe you can say that i am a crybaby, or it is just tat i have a well of tears that cant wait to gush out of my eyes but every little thing in life that is pictured in my mind will make me go into deep thoughts. These deep thoughts would then penetrate thru my mind and soul, giving a slight push to my tear glands and there it goes, i cry. Ytd, upon seeing my grandma, I hope i lose my sense of sight. I don't want to see her in agony and pain. Her frail look makes me feel so guilty, so painful, so sad. When we were eating dinner, she sat beside me, as usual in her wheelchair. I took a surreptitous glance at her. I swore the wells in my eyes almost collapsed. She has lost SO much hair! Her skin turned even blacker and her eyes were so sunken.

My grandpa has committed himself wholeheartedly to my grandma. Guess it is really uncommon nowadays. Which man would remain so faithful and loving to his spouse? I read the newspaper ytd. There was an article on marriage stuff. It says that many women have lost faith in marriage as many of them were abused by their spouses. They were beaten up by their husbands, who were once so caring and loving. It makes me think whether that will happen to me one day... coz things change. [i am really crossing my finger man...] Now... there is the so called 'egg crisis'. My grandma needs to eat at least four eggs per day and now my grandpa is searching frantically for eggs. He calls my mom and my uncles and aunties, asking them to help him buy eggs. He has been waking up very early to go markets to search for the eggs but to no avail. It is not easy to find eggs now. This made him kinda worried. This goes to show how much he loves my grandma.

Guess he will never be tired of loving my grandma. He has to carry her onto the wheelchair and onto the bed.. so many times a day. He has to bathe my grandma everyday, bring her into and out of the washroom, and wait really patiently for her to finish her business. I guess this is what people deem as true love. Whenever anything happens to my grandma, my grandpa will be the first to be so flustered. He will alweez be there for her. =]

Prelims is coming. Mug mug mug. this is the only thing we can do now. Jsut have to strive harder and work like mad for another 2 months plus.. and everything will come to an end! Four yrs of sec life.. will end after Os. I hope mine will end with a beautiful full stop. =) ganbatte!

Joan

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

11:55 AM

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2 Comments:

your grandpa's very sweet.

By feL, at 6:07 PM

love isn't a flock of doves being released into the sky or a burst of beautiful music rising into the heavens, but a hug when you're down, going to ridiculous lengths to make you happy and doing everything under the sun for you.

really glad your grandparents have that kind of love between them. hey, if you need to buy eggs, i help find? wo men yi qi jia you!

By zx, at 8:43 PM