name
jOan
school
nJc!
cca
toUch rUGgBy! im a toUCh rugger!
birthday
o2.o5.88
horoscope
tAurUs faV. peOple
mOm. nJ toUch ruggers. maRie.
Sunday, August 22, 2004

from the day i step into this world, i have never been very happy. i admire children like me who can get along well with their father. i admire them, coz they can joke with their father, laugh with their father, embrace their father, chat with their father.....

I have never tried that before in my life. So what if i am fat, ugly and not as smart as my younger brother... So what if am not 'POLITE' enough...? [I dun tink i am impolite... pls..] yeah.. i am fat.. but so is my younger bro. But why does my father discriminate me so much? Have I ever done anything so wrong that cause that to happen? I am sure i never had. I am born with it man. ya. I am the eldest SISTER. just becoz i am the ELDEST and is a GIRL.. he hates me for who i am. Sometimes i wish i never grow up .. sometimes i wish i can be the youngest. I am already trying my best to behave as good as possible. but at the end of the day, i still get the same treatment. My two younger siblings, though they are extremely naughty, extremely horrible, extremely ill-mannered [my sister is really ill-mannered to him], he still treats them as if they are in heaven. okie. so i am the slave. yah.. slaves are treated differently. They do all the work and get scolded for meagre mistake they make. They cant pine, they cant cry and they cant make a single noise.

He says i am a lazy girl... He says that nobody will want me.. He says i am hopeless.. He says i am nothing. No matter how well i do in exams... dOES HE EVEN CARE?! the only person who truly encourages me in this family is my mom, my one and only one. [Is he my father? sometimes i tink i am picked up from the rubbish bin]

He himself is lazy too. He reaches home earlier den me.. and sits in the living room from evening til night... watching tv programmes.. relaxing life. He does not even care to move an inch to get something. He does not even want to buy his OWN stuffs. He does not even want to be bothered with housechores. Do u tink he is hardworking?! He takes leaves wheneva he feels like it. He rests the most... and i am the most worn out one.. and yet i am forced to help him do things. woah.. so i am really a slave.

If u feel that i am wrong in saying all these things.. jsut tell me straight in the face. I am really buffeted by him. He is so unkind, so crude and so uncaring to me. Am i not his daughter?

Smiles fade when i reach home.
It seems that an evolutionary change takes place.
I can laugh, smile and be cheerful in school.
At home, i feel like i am struggling to survive.
I am no longer myself.
I yearn for the day when i can interact well with him.
But.. it seems so far....

-sad joan, almost burst into tears-



Joan
aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu
11:12 AM
______________________________________________



8 Comments:

hey,cheer up.. it's onli two more years till you're 18.. when u can do anything you wan.. :)

By Blogger Je, at 2:10 PM  


hmm.. nothin much to sae, my parents do quarrel a lot nowadays too.. as children we tend to feel realli hurt n sad. o well, this is life isnt it?! muz learn to overcome obstacles n climb a step higher instead of giving up.. so all i can sae is.. jia you.try tokin to him more often. try to let him understand u . fathers r lyke that. itz not that they dun love u or wad, itz juz that they r fatherz..so they have to maintain their authority ya.. most fathers dun mean wad they say, deep in their hearts, they love us but they juz dun wana sae it. which parents dont love their kids? i belive all of them do. do u ?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:54 PM  


cry if you want, but after that, pick yourself up and get over it. many of the times i feel that my family hates me. i have 4 siblings. i almost dont get any attention at all. but at least you still have your mom. you and her are like friends, sisters.

i don't.

at least when you have problems outside, you can talk to your mom. you have her. anything happens, you have her. i dont. i can have the most terrible day in school, going home feeling worst.

you're already luckier than many other people. my parents give me the support thru' materialism, not spiritual. but guess we both are luckier than orphans.

cry if you must. then pick yourself up. and prove it to him.

By Blogger feL, at 7:02 PM  


Always look on the bright side of life...
u hav a really good mom whom u can treat like a sis..
so wat if ur dad dont really care..
so wat if he's pian xin?

as long as u dont let that affect u,
u wont really feel sad..

u r a really nice girl and dont deserve dis kind of treatment...

strive to do ur best..
if u doesnt understand u, there's dont need to worry about it too much..

u will always hav ur mom and friends by ur side..

always look on the bright side of life..
stay cheerful k?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:48 PM  


your father, as your father, will always love you because you are his one and only daughter. he may not show it because most men are not good at showing their feelings. although he may say you are "hopeless" etc, i'm sure he means otherwise. maybe he just doesn't know how to express what he wants to say to you? you should try to talk to him if you really feel this way about how he is treating you. don't keep quiet and let time solve this. you have to take the initiative and talk to him! *shaR

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:42 PM  


it was very bad of him to say that. very very bad for a parent to say that of his child. but who cares what people say.. as long as you are happy with who you are, dont be bothered. and i'm super positive that you are NOT lazy. you're one of the most hardworking people i've known. and you'll be someone great. not nobody. trust me. you'll be someday. =) take care okie? *hugs

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:57 PM  


the top note is from YAYUN. forgot to say. XD

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:58 PM  


this is pretty late but you're not terrible. all humans are flawed. shar is right. he does love you - but he doesn't know how to express it. you are not ugly and you are smart. we all have our own merits and faults. nobody is perfect, and this imperfection, as shar said, is what makes us perfect the way we are. *hugs* jia you! and your pig pig loves you right??? ^^

By Blogger zx, at 4:44 PM  


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