_____im no longer behind u...*

Saturday, June 26, 2004

siGhz.. I am bored to tears these few days. I kinda wasted my time, letting time gushed by me like running water. oh man!!! I feel so disgusted by myself. yUpz.. sOmetimes, i feel so run down, til I tink i can hear faint calls from the heaven. hmm.. maybe when i get there, all my sorrows will be expunged? no more worries? I hate my life. I still feel very lost, as if I am standing in a never-ending highway. There's no way I can search my way out.. I have lost my ray of light. I feel like there are hundreds of stars twirling round my head. My eyes are heavy. I am no longer as energetic as b4.. I feel that my eyes are loaded with 100 tonnes of tears that are waiting impatiently. I need to cry out loud. YUpz.. my cheeks went wet a couple of days ago. yUpz.. I feel so ..
anyway.. sometimes.. i tink the world is unfair.. well.. the world is never fair.. i am stupid, hideous, crazy and etc etc.. all the bad things fall on me.. sometimes i feel tat god is playing a fool with me.. hahaZ. yuPZ.. i am really a foOl. sad to say. I regret being myself. I regret being a human being.

If i am a flower, my petals are dropping off, gone with the wind.
If i am a cloud, i am slowly being engulfed by the sun's powress rays.
If i am a grass, i am turning yellow and parched.
If i am a river, i am slowly drying up.
If i am a human being, my heart is gonna stop beating soon...

okie.. i know tis is a very crazy entry by me.. I also dunnoe why i am toking such things. I am not exactly sad... but the deep inner me is yelping hardly for someone to save me out of this dark hole. til the day i really see the light, will be when i am actually happy... siGhz..

Sorry ppl.. nth really happened out of the blue.. but.. i just have something that is building up in my mind and soul... and it is killing me.. suffocating me... So.. pls dun worry bout me k? guess i jsut need to write something like this to vent my anger?!?! hahahZ.. dunnoe... hOpe u ppl will never read this entry..

Joan

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

11:05 PM

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5 Comments:

too late! i read it! cheer up k? i guess u're feeling this way coz of sch tml.. well.. we have to face up to reality no matter how yucky it is. hahahax. just don take things too seriously, smile, and it'll be over. (i hope.) heehee. jiayou alright...

By Seow Ting, at 9:50 PM

wat r u worryin about?
if nth then dont think too much
try to be the old cheerful joan k?

By Anonymous, at 12:21 AM

don't worry it's very normal.. one day you'll come back.. i know that. hahas. sometimes out of the blue i feel the same. in school i always appear like nothing's going on in my life except studies and studies but deep inside i feel empty. from time to time i'll feel mad and crap up an entry about how i seriously feel in me. don't believe you can read my archives. suddenly will have something very sentimental and emotional..

things will be fine.. just.. be yourself.

By feL, at 5:43 PM

im always there ...ill find a way to 'save' u i promise.
it hurts me to noe that u r goin thru this.
haiX... i jus hoped i could love u more n make u happier... sorry for not being able to b a 110% bf.
but ill try n try till i get there.

love~+upi!d pig~

By Anonymous, at 2:27 AM

wei wei wei .. u are hideous den i wad.. i bet iz because at home ur mirror is broken or sth..datz y u tink this way.. so rubbish.. god made everyone of us special n unique.. yet, u r downgrading urself..cannot liddat ok. .muz learn to treause urself, no matter wad u look lyke(btw u dun lyke ugly lor) u muz tink, so mani ppl are much uglier or are less fortuante den u.. so cherish wadeva u have ok.everyone is different n special in their own way. remember this... u are a fren sent to me from god, a good one too.. dun wu liao wu liao downgrade ureself ok.. ren yong yuan bu hui wan mei de. no onez perfect in this world. but u are near to perfect! i m annoynomous, go guess who i m if u hav the time.. but dun waste time okiez.. tata!ha

By Anonymous, at 10:06 PM